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I personally value a friendship based on the quality of my bond with the person rather than the qualities of the person. People with desirable traits by society standards don’t necessarily make “good friends” — I believe most of us can vouch for that. Likewise, I have really strong friendships with people who are, well, not exactly the coolest people to be with. To acknowledge Jim Rohn’s famous saying, A tony scott film true romance poster “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”, I think it is true to a large extent for people who treat their relationships as a means to their ends (getting to the top). I might be wrong — everyone experience relationships very differently.
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I’d like to take Rohn’s saying with a pinch of salt, especially if we’re seeking to build friendships we can depend on for no less than a lifetime. Let me share three different personal stories — these gave me perspectives of what friendships mean. To him, relationships are disposable because everything in this world is based on value. He thinks everyone is ultimately all about “what is in it for them” and no one does anything out of goodwill. For him, even family members are disposable. That’s probably why I don’t think he considers me as a friend at all. He probably considers me as a cog, merely a tool, just as the other people in his life. Suffice to say, I was a little hurt by what he said, even though his perspective of relationships and friendships is not personal at all.